When my baby Zachary started eating solid food at six months I was so thrilled. I was really excited to see him gain more weight. A few days he was eating great. Then he liked banana so much, and also sweet potato. A few more days and he started eating less. It’s been hard for me to see him like that. I actually got frustrated when I felt like I could not feed him well. He used to eat 18-20 small spoons of banana and sweet potato or ceralac. Suddenly it became 2 to 4 to 8 small spoons of potato and squash. It made me cry one time when he did not feed at all and skipped one meal. No matter what I do, however hard I try, he just won’t eat.
More than losing patience, I get frustrated and sad. I would sometimes look at my baby and talk to him as if he is already an adult. I would say “Hey big boy, it’s time to eat. You know what to do so you’ll be heavier and more healthy right”. And he would utter “Guh” as if saying “yes mommy!”.
In his last check-up with his pedia before he turned 7 months old, Zachary only gained .1 kilos of weight which is unacceptable considering the progress of his growth in the last 6 months. I felt down because even in his breastfeeding he is not the same who can feed for 30 minutes in one feeding. But he also got runny nose which is one reason for the minimal gain weight.
I wanted Zach to continue being smart in his toys, in our read aloud sessions, in our bonding moments with his daddy at night before he sleeps, in his breastfeeding, and in eating solid food.
Over the weekend, my husband saw how anxious and sad I became when Zachary wouldn’t eat that much. Yes we would consult with our pedia but still, I was close to tears for something I want Zach to be able to do but he just could not or maybe would just not do. But in my prayer time I had a revelation of what God wants me to practice doing.
I should start wanting to be the right mother for my boy rather than wanting Zachary to be the baby I want him to be. I knew from the very start that he is differently wired as compared to other babies. It’s challenging to make him sleep. It’s challenging to breastfeed him; he wouldn’t feed on feeding bottles. It’s challenging to feed him solid food. I cannot want him to be like this and like that. He is just him right here right now. And sometimes I forget that he is just a baby.
So I resolve to keep discovering how God wired Zachary as a baby. I think up until now, I still have not mastered deciphering my baby. I’m a work in progress being a mommy. But I love being one.
I resolve to be the right mommy to Zachary. I cannot force him to be what I want him to be. This will remind me one day as he grows up that he will dream to be someone and will be someone; he will follow his dreams and fulfill God’s will in his life. With that in mind, I have no right to impose what I want him to be or what dreams he should follow. I can only guide and support him and as the days go by teach him in the way he should go so that when he is old, he will not depart from it.
As of the moment, I will enjoy him each moment and be the right mommy for him.